Listening

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0><script type="text/javascript" src="http://hb.lycos.com/hb.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://ratings.lycos.com/ratings/lycosRating.js.php"></script> <script type="text/javascript"><![CDATA[//><!]]></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://scripts.lycos.com/catman/init.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-start.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-middle.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-end.js"></script> <noscript> <img src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/img/common/ot_noscript.gif?rand=328574" alt="" width="1" height="1" />  <iframe frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" width="728" height="90" src="http://ad.yieldmanager.com/st?ad_type=iframe&ad_size=728x90&section=209094"></iframe>  </noscript> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=100 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="31800640egdysm.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B>The Message </b></FONT><B>   |     </b><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Message"><U><B>home</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=150 BGCOLOR="#0000BF" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <bR> <div> <B>Sometimes it's easier</b></div> <div> <B> to change people...</b></div> <div> <B>By listening, than by making arguments.</b></div> <div> <B>-Ken Standley</b></div> <div> <B> </b></div> <div> <B>Sometimes all you must do to understand...</b></div> <div> <B>Is just be very quiet. </b></div> <div> <B>-Ken Standley</b></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Did you know that Silent  and Listen are made from the same letters?</b></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=380 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <I>Listening</I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="11c5d4f0.gif" border=0 width="349" height="79" ALT="Metafile Companion Picture (32-bit)" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B>Listening </b>is the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken or nonverbal messages.  </div> <bR> <div> People can <U>think </U>approximately <U>500</U> words per minute</div> <div> And the average person<U> speaks 125 - 150</U> words per minute</div> <div> People can give their <U>full attention</U> for approximately <U>20</U> seconds</div> <bR> <div> <B>The average time spent on various communication skills</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">53% listening</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">14% writing</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">16% speaking</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">17% reading</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="136f40a0.gif" border=0 width="500" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> Learn to Listen....</div> <div> You don't learn anything</div> <div> from hearing yourself talk.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> from Love by Leo Buscaglia</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>WHY DO WE HAVE PROBLEMS LISTENING?   </b> <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >                                              </FONT></div> <div> <B>Cognitive Dissonance,</b> a psychological theory that applies to communication, states that a person feels conflict it they hold two or more attitudes that are in opposition to each other. One way people reduce dissonance is by ignoring the conflict that is causing the conflict. </div> <bR> <div> <B> Anxiety-</b>Sometimes we can't listen because our anxiety is too high.</div> <bR> <div> <B>The Controlling Listener-</b>always looks for a way to talk about themselves and what they are thinking about. </div> <bR> <div> <B>The Passive Listener</b>-Exerts little listening effort-listen like a couch potatoes</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="136f40a0.gif" border=0 width="500" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>Types of Listening</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">LISTENING FOR INFORMATION                                                             </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">CRITICAL LISTENING                                                                               </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">EMPATHIC LISTENING                                                                            </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">LISTENING FOR ENJOYMENT                                                                 </div> <bR> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="136f40a0.gif" border=0 width="500" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>Negative listening responses</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  Denying feelings:</div> <div>   "You shouldn't feel that way. "</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  Competing: </div> <div>  "I had a situation that was much worse than yours."</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  Evaluating: </div> <div>  "Your husband doesn't appreciate the work you do."</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  Being Philosophical: </div> <div> "All bosses are hard to get along with."</div> <div>      "That's the way life is"</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Responding defensively:</div> <div>  "Don't blame me, I told you not to.."</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Giving Advice:  </div> <div> "Quit this job and get a new one." "Calm down"</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  Defending the other person: </div> <div>  "Well understand her side."</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">  Expressing Sympathy:</div> <div>  "I really feel sorry for you, it must be awful."</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Questioning:  </div> <div> "What did you do to make him mad?"</div> <bR> <div> <U>Forms of Non-listening</U></div> <bR> <div> <B>Pseudo listening-</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >pretending to listen</FONT></div> <div> <B>Monopolizing</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >-Hogging the stage by continuously focusing communication on ourselves instead of the person who is talking</FONT></div> <div> <B>Selective listening</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >- We screen out the parts that don't interest us.  We reject communication that bores us or makes us uncomfortable. </FONT></div> <div> <B>Defensive Listening-</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Perceiving personal attacks, criticims, or hostile undertones in communication where none is intended.</FONT></div> <div> <B>Ambushing-</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Listening carefully for the purpose of attacking the other speaker</FONT></div> <div> <B>Literal Listening-</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >Listening only to the content level of meaning and ignoring the relationship level of meaning.</FONT></div> <div> <IMG SRC="136f40a0.gif" border=0 width="500" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>Positive Listening Response</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Suspend Judgment</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Paraphrasing/Restating:</b> </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"In other words, your decision was to..."</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"Your fed up with what's happening."</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Minimal Encouragers:</b> "</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Tell me more" "Really" "Go on" "uh-huh" </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"Yeah" "I see" "That's interesting" Nod</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"Please go on..."</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Ask questions</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"What do you plan to do?"</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"How do you feel about that?"</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"How are you working this through?"</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"Have you just started feeling this way?"</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"What are our reasons for feeling this way?"</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Express support</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"I can tell you've given this a lot of thought."</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"I disagree with you but I respect your decision."</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Reflecting</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"You were pretty upset by this..."</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Identify the emotion</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"</b>Are you mad at the situation or just a little discouraged?"</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Let the person work out the problem-</b>-</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"What are you going to do now?"</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="136f40a0.gif" border=0 width="500" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <I>Who you are</I></div> <div> <I> speaks so loudly</I></div> <div> <I> that I cannot hear what you are saying.</I></div> <div> <IMG SRC="136f40a0.gif" border=0 width="500" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> </div> <div> <IMG SRC="3470f460.jpg" border=0 width="527" height="326" ALIGN="BOTTOM" 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